


Entertainment Purposes

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-03-10
Updated: 2002-03-10
Packaged: 2017-11-01 10:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Old friends talk while a new one listens in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Entertainment Purposes

## Entertainment Purposes

by canadian_snoopy

[]()

* * *

Title: Entertainment Purposes 

Author: canadian_snoopy ^_^ 

Category: Fluff... complete and utter fluff. No redeeming social value whatsoever. 

Rating: PG-13 for some sexual innuendo and language. 

Summary: Old friends talk while a new one listens in. 

Archive: ClarkLex; anywhere else is all right, just let me know. 

Spoilers: A tiny one for 'Cool' and the Pilot; blink and you'll miss it. 

Disclaimer: The fact that I feel the urge to mess around with canon should tell you that these characters do not belong to me. If I were in charge... [sigh] Canon would be _so_ different. 

Author's Note: I don't know where this one came from, quite honestly. I blame the caffeine and sugar in my morning coffee. Thanks go to Anathema for going above and beyond the call of duty and for not poking me for the delay in posting. Smooch. 

Feedback: canadiansnoopy@yahoo.ca .... any feedback, whether positive or negative, will be greatly appreciated like the life altering thing that it is. 

<<<<>>>>

"I don't know what you were thinking Pete." 

"Fine, fine. I was wrong, you were right. Can we move on... please?" 

The three teenagers went through the Beanery doors, Clark falling behind to hold the door open for a customer as she went out into the cold Kansas night before joining his friends. 

"I dunno Pete. Exactly how mailboxes does that make this month?" Chloe asked, ducking easily when Pete went to swat her, laughing even harder when the boy missed. 

"There's no need to mess with Pete's head Chloe; I'm sure the mailbox got exactly what it had coming," Clark said, grinning more broadly when Pete turned and punched him in the arm. 

"I don't know why I'm friends with you two. I get no respect." 

"Aww, you know you love us," Chloe declared, fluttering her eyes at Pete and grinning when he mock scowled and gave her the finger. 

"No need to be rude Mr. Ross," Clark said primly, throwing an arm over Pete's shoulders and groaning comically when the other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "Oww man.... How about you tell us why we're friends with _you_ instead," Clark asked, holding his ribs and grinning. 

"It must be 'cause I'm the only one that puts up with you jokers," Pete grumbled, heading for the counter. 

"Nah, that's not it," Chloe said, shaking her head and shrugging out of her jacket. 

"Could it be because he makes bets that he always ends up losing?" 

"You know, I think you're right," Chloe said, nodding seriously at Clark. 

Pete sighed noisily and looked upwards at the ceiling, as if searching for Divine inspiration. "God, grant me the strength to deal with moronic teenagers hopped up on sugar." 

"That _hurts_ Pete." The expression of wounded innocence on Chloe's face didn't fool Pete for a minute and he rolled his eyes at the theatrics. 

"Right though the heart," Clark added, holding his hand over his chest and trying to look pathetically heartbroken. 

Pete snorted and fought the urge to grin. "How 'bout you two losers find someplace to sit while I get the order." 

"Don't forget you're paying." 

"Chloe, I swear. One of these days, when you're least expecting it--" 

"Before you even _finish_ that thought, don't forget Ross," Chloe interrupted, poking her friend on the chest. "That I. Fight. Dirty." 

"Them's fightin' words, Sullivan." Pete grinned and bounced on the balls of his feet. "Name the time and place." 

Chloe scowled furiously and threw a few mock punches while Pete laughed and bobbed repeatedly. Clark snorted and rolled his eyes. "I'll have a medium regular Pete," Clark announced, dragging Chloe towards the seats in the back before things became crazier. 

"I'll have a--" 

"--large cappuccino, yeah I know," Pete called, turning to the waitress to place the order. 

"Am I that predictable?" Chloe asked with a frown, tossing her jacket and bag on the empty chair. 

"'Fraid so. You're-- hey. Hi Lex." 

Chloe turned on her seat, surprised to see Lex Luthor wading through a bunch of important looking papers while drinking something foamy. "Hello Mr. Luthor." 

"Please. Call me Lex." He sent a smile in Clark's direction. "Hey Clark." 

Chloe grinned and shrugged. "Fine. Lex it is." Clark blinked and was trying to figure out whether to call Chloe on the extra vowels she'd added to Lex's name when she tugged Clark's shirt to get his attention. "I gotta use the bathroom. Watch my stuff." 

Clark nodded and watched Chloe hurry away. He then pulled up a chair at Lex's table and shook his head in amusement as he took in all the different papers spread out on the table. "I thought _my_ dad was a workaholic but I think you've got him beat." 

Lex grinned ruefully and leaned back against his chair, stretching sore muscles before he leaned his elbows on the stacks of paper in front of him. "Don't let your father hear the comparison you're making." 

Clark laughed and shook his head. "He's getting better. He can say your name without the obligatory curse now." 

Lex grinned and commented, "I think that your friend Chloe has been tweaking with your attitude again." 

"She's vowed to make me more disreputable." Clark watched as Lex sorted through his papers. "Anything I can give you a hand with?" 

"Unless you've got some degree in business I don't know about, no. Thanks for the offer though." 

Clark nodded and looked up to see Pete weaving through empty tables with the drinks. "You want to join us?" Clark asked suddenly and he saw the surprise on Lex's face when he looked up. Clark got the distinct impression that he was being examined minutely and he felt the heat gather in his face. "Come on," he said, as he gestured at the papers on the table and tried to keep the defensive tone out of his voice. "You can't tell me you came to the Beanery to work the entire night." 

"No. I could have done that at home," Lex admitted. "I just wanted to get out of that mausoleum my father calls a house." 

"So come on and join us. Live a little." 

Lex shook his head again, a grin tugging at his lips. "I'm not sure that the world is ready for a Clark Kent who tries to tempt others to be irresponsible." 

"More of Chloe's influence." 

"Uh huh." Lex was disbelieving and Clark knew it. Clark grinned and shrugged, getting to his feet. 

"All right. We'll be over there if you change your mind." 

"Thanks Clark." Lex watched as Clark headed back to his table, plopping down on the overstuffed booth before laughing at something Pete said. 

Beneath lowered eyelids, he watched as Chloe made her way over to Clark and Pete and sat beside Pete, poking the teenager in the ribs when he said something unflattering. 

Lex forced himself to look away, forced his eyes to return to the spreadsheets and reports that required his attention, but the laughter from the other table distracted him. 

"Is that mailbox number four?" 

"Five. Don't forget about the one last week." 

"It was an accident." Frustrated sound and Lex saw Pete shrug with confusion. "I don't know what it is; I _think_ I know where the mailbox is and when I back up, it seems to leap under the car." 

"Leaping mailboxes?" 

"Sounds like you've got next week's headline Chloe." 

Muffled chuckle. "I did say that Smallville was home of the strange, didn't I?" 

"Or it could just be that Pete can't drive for beans." 

"I'm thinking that too, yeah." 

"You want your coffee Kent? 'Cause I can tell the nice waitress that you changed your mind and that you can't pay for it." 

"Ah, don't be such a weenie," Chloe said, blowing lightly into her coffee mug before taking a sip. "You really _can't_ drive to save your life." 

"That is _such_ a lie." 

"Then what you're saying is that you have something against mailboxes in general?" 

"Maybe they made a comment about his shortness," Clark added quietly, grinning when Pete sent a dirty look in his direction. 

"You two are just in rare form tonight, aren't you?" 

"Coffee _may_ have been a bad idea," Chloe admitted before taking another sip, a look of pleasure on her face. 

"I seem to remember you giving me a hard time about Lana and the tripping and the general klutziness. Consider this payment rendered." 

"You are _so_ gonna get it, man." 

"I think you've just received your first death threat, Clark." 

"I feel so loved." 

More laughter and Lex was forced to shift his eyes when he noticed Clark looking in his direction. God, how pathetic was he? He harshly ordered himself to stop eavesdropping and get some work done. 

"More coffee?" 

Lex nearly fell off his chair and felt his heart beat in triple time. He nodded at the waitress \-- Zoe, the name tag said -- and gave her a weak smile as she took away his mug. He watched as the girl went behind the counter, preparing another specialty coffee that really wasn't all that bad considering this was _Smallville_. 

Work. Right. He had to get some work done. 

He smiled again, less rattled this time, when Zoe returned with his coffee and he took a sip as he forced his eyes to follow the report that was clutched in his hands. Work. 

"You can tell us Pete," Clark needled. 

"Yeah. What did the mailbox say to deserve such a... cruel fate?" 

"You two can just kiss my--" 

Laughter muffled the predictable last word. "If your mother could hear you now," Chloe said as she shook an admonishing finger at Pete. 

"Shame on you Pete. There are ladies present." 

Snort. "Chloe ain't no lady." 

"Hey!" 

"Heh. You're on your own now man." 

"What the hell does _that_ mean? I am _so_ a lady." 

"Chloe. Don't take this the wrong way but... no." 

"Why the hell not?" 

"'Cause you swear like a drunken sailor when you're pissed, for one." 

"That doesn't mean anything." 

"Well, I gotta admit Chloe," Clark interrupted, shrugging with one shoulder. "Any girl that punches a boy in grade five because he pokes her at recess is pretty butch." 

"It was grade _five_. Besides... Jimmy deserved it. He pulled my pigtails all through grade 3." 

"Aww... Chloe Sullivan, the heartbreaker of Smallville Elementary?" 

"Shut up." 

"And he didn't try to turn you into an icicle either. I'm impressed." Dry comment from Clark and he laughed when Chloe swatted his head. 

"You know, Pete's right. You're _so_ going to get it." 

"When I get two death threats in one day, I know I've done my job." 

Chloe shook her head and sighed. "I'm really starting to regret giving you the idea that you needed to be more evil." 

"Yeah man. I liked you better when you were _quiet_." 

"And less snarky." 

"I place all the blame squarely on Chloe's shoulders. I was impressionable and she warped me." 

"Shame on you Chloe," Pete chided. 

"I know." Loud sigh of contrition and Chloe said, "I'll never forgive myself." 

There was a break in the conversation and Lex reminded himself that eavesdropping on teenagers was about as low as he could sink for entertainment purposes. For entertainment, he had... a progress report from the night manager, specifying in excruciating detail every decision he had made before Lex had showed up. 

It made him want to drive off a bridge. Again. 

He had enough of his father in him though, to concentrate on the report for an extended period of time. So much, in fact, that he managed to get through the damn thing. 

Hallelujah. 

That was the only reason why he begun listening in again, he told himself. They were amusing and _God_... he only just now realized how pathetic he'd become. How far the mighty had fallen. 

It made him wish for the days of Club Zero again. Almost. Sort of. 

"What we need is an impartial observer." 

"Like who?" Sound of derision from Pete and he shook his head as he let his mug rest against the saucer. "Sorry but I don't trust either of you any further than I can throw you." 

"Really Pete. You're too suspicious." 

"Yeah man. Have _some_ faith in your friends." 

Innocence exuded so faithfully that Lex almost bought it. Pete, on the other hand... 

"You two are full of--" 

"Lex!" He fumbled the pen in his hand but managed to keep it from rolling off the table and he _tried_ to look like he hadn't just jumped in his seat. Convinced that Clark had seen him eavesdropping and was calling him on it, he felt unfamiliar heat rush to his face. God, he was blushing like an idiot. Times like this made him miss Metropolis with an _ache_. "He's impartial, right?" 

"You saved his life. He has _reason_ to agree with you." 

"Oh, come on Pete. Don't be so paranoid." 

"That's rich, coming from the girl with the 'X-Files' obsession." 

"Not anymore." 

"Only 'cause your hunnybunny Mulder's gone." 

"Oh, shut up." 

Lex couldn't remember ever seeing people interact like this, arguing as if it were perfectly natural and expected. He was surprised to find it irritating and endearing in equal measure, watching with barely concealed amusement as the argument continued. 

It was strange seeing very different people argue as if they were family. Not that his family argued, of course. No, Luthor family problems were settled with fencing. And awkward, stony silences that could kill any sort of familial warmth before it developed. 

Lex found that he liked it that way. Anything which allowed him to reduce the amount of time he had to spend talking to Lionel was always a bonus. 

"Fine, fine. Ask Lex." 

"Thank you." 

"But if he agrees with you, then I'll know he's not impartial." 

"It could just mean you're wrong." 

"No. It would mean he's not impartial." 

"Stubborn aren't you?" Chloe asked, knowing better than to get involved in this particular feud. The years had taught her that much at least. 

"Only when I'm right." 

"You are _so_ full of it," Clark said, shaking his head in mock pity. 

"Just shut up and ask him." 

"You know, I'm starting to think that I don't like your attitude." 

"Oh you don't, do you?" Pete raised his eyebrows. "What are you gonna do about it, tough guy?" 

"Is he egging me on?" Clark tried to sound surprised but the grin on his face made that particular intonation difficult. 

"I think he is. Huh. I didn't think he was stupid." 

"You're saying I couldn't take Clark on?" 

"Yes. Yes I am." 

"Judas!" Pete accused, pointing a finger at Chloe's face, which she ignored as she took another sip of her coffee. 

"Pete... Clark has been bigger than you since puberty. He could squish you like a bug if he wanted to." 

"I'd never squish Pete." Pause. "Well... unless I were provoked and then only _maybe_." 

"Ha ha... squishy Pete." 

"You're not my favorite anymore Chloe. I just want you to know that." 

Pause. "Chloe was your favorite?" 

"Not anymore." 

"Wow... I'm so _hurt_ , man. Here I thought we were best friends--" 

"Clark--" 

"-- _brothers_ practically and then I find out that I'm the second fiddle." 

"Clark, you--" 

"No, no. Stop. The pain... it's just too fresh." Dramatic pose. 

Lex nearly choked on his coffee and had to grab a napkin before he embarrassed himself further. He saw Zoe send him a curious look but he only smiled and worked on removing the splatters of coffee that now decorated the report. 

"You are _such_ an asshole." 

"Once again, I blame Chloe." 

"Oh _no_. Don't put this crap on me. I just suggested that you try to develop a backbone, I _never_ said that you turn into some sort of Twilight Zone Clark Kent." 

Lex couldn't help it anymore. He spluttered with laughter and tried to hide it behind a spreadsheet. He snickered quietly and knew the game was up when he heard the chattering at the other table stop. 

"Lex, you sure you don't want to join us?" 

Innocent question and Lex hazarded a look in Clark's direction, fighting the urge to grin at the blatantly innocent look on Clark's face. Neither Chloe or Pete seemed to get the joke but they were waving him over. 

"No, that's all right." 

"You sure? 'Cause you'd probably prevent Pete from embarrassing himself further." 

"Man, I am _so_ going to kick your ass." 

Lex snickered again as Pete rabbit punched Clark's shoulder and the other teen made as if he hadn't felt anything. 

"Pete looks like he can handle himself," Lex responded. The curiosity forced him to ask the next question, knowing he'd probably regret it. "Exactly what did you need my help deciding anyway? As an impartial judge?" 

Chloe smirked at Pete and Clark and shook her head. "Haven't I told you boys that you gotta use 'library voices'?" 

"You heard that huh?" 

"Yes. I must admit, I'm rather curious." 

"You go ahead and tell him man. And then you'll _see_ that I'm right." 

Clark snorted and shook his head. "You are wrong in _so_ many ways, my friend." 

"Is someone going to tell me or am I going to have to guess?" 

Clark snickered and coloured faintly and Lex felt even more pathetic once he noticed that even _that_ look was attractive on Clark. 

If he was honest with himself, he'd admit that Clark could wear a paper bag over his head and Lex would still find a reason to stare. Of course, nothing made him stare like Clark in jeans. Damn... the fit of those pants sometimes made Lex want to worship at the altar of Levi 501's. 

The question interrupted the lecherous thoughts before they could go anywhere. 

Lex didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. 

"Lex, if you had to pick between Spiderman--" 

Quiet derisive sound from Pete indicated his preference wasn't for that particular one. 

"--shut up Pete. Or Batman, who would you pick?" 

"You're kidding." 

"What?" 

Lex ran a hand over his skull and shook his head in disbelief. "I don't believe this. This whole time you've been arguing over comic book characters?" 

"This isn't a new argument Mr. Luth--Lex," Chloe amended, clarifying for a clearly confused Lex. "They've tried to force me to decide for the last seven years until I finally made them understand that I am in no way interested in refereeing this particular grudge match . It's become something of a... sticking point for these two over the years." 

"This is a very important topic," Pete defended, gesturing with his hands. "I mean, Kent just doesn't realize that Spiderman is nothing but a whiny photographer." 

"Oh, and Batman is the model of normalcy. He lives in a gothic _castle_ Pete. The man is more twisted than a pretzel." Clark suddenly blushed and sent Lex an embarrassed glance. "Not that there's anything _wrong_ with living in a castle, of course." 

Lex smiled. "Of course." 

"Spiderman could kick Batboy's ass, just admit it." 

"No, because that is an outright _lie_." 

"Spidey would wipe the floor with Bats, you... mailbox murderer." 

Pete gaped at Clark and Chloe rolled her eyes, knowing the routine. "You little--! Spiderman wouldn't know how to fight his way out of a paper bag, ya towering freak." 

"Shrimp." 

"Creature from the Black Lagoon." 

Snort from Clark. "Munchkin." 

"Geek." 

"Midget." 

"See what I mean?" Chloe asked Lex, shaking her head as the argument quickly degraded to immature name calling. 

"Are they always like this?" 

"No, not always. Just when they're hopped up on coffee and movie theater popcorn." 

"So Lex, what do you think? Spiderman or Batman?" Pete asked, grinning since he'd managed to get the last name in and had thus 'won'. The score had gotten into Clark's favour over the years and Pete took all the victories he could get. He flicked Chloe's hair and got poked in return. 

"Oh that's easy. Neither of them 'cause they both stink. You want a real superhero, you gotta look at the Flash." 

The silence was palpable. "You're kidding." 

"The _Flash_?" 

"Absolutely." 

Chloe watched as Pete and Clark turned all this in their heads. Their reply was almost synchronous. 

"You're so full of crap." 

Lex burst out laughing and Chloe snickered, watching as Zoe sent a curious glance in their direction. Of course, by now the waitress was used to these late Friday night meetings. Granted, they usually didn't include multi-billionaires, but Zoe was pretty much unflappable. 

"The Flash just runs around and makes everyone dizzy. He even has all those corny one-liners." 

"Yeah. He's fast but aside from that, he's pretty lame." 

"Boys, boys. You obviously don't know _what_ you're talking about." 

Any further arguing was killed by the honk from outside. Chloe leaned over and peered out the window, gathering her stuff when she saw her dad waving from the Corolla. "Our ride's here, guys." 

Clark tossed Pete his jacket before shrugging his on. "I'm losing all sorts of respect for you Lex, I hope you know that." 

Lex chuckled and Chloe took one last sip of her now cool coffee before heading for the door. "The Sullivan Express is leaving fellas. Move it or lose it." Chloe halted by the door. "It was nice to see you again Lex." 

Lex, for his part, just smiled. "You too Chloe. Tell your dad I said 'hi'." 

"You got it." 

"We're going to convert Lex eventually, won't we Clark?" Pete asked, tossing a few bills on the table. "I mean, Spiderman may suck but he's no Flash." 

"You got a point Pete," Clark admitted, grinning faintly. 

Lex grinned and leaned back against his chair. "You boys have never seen a stubborn Luthor in action before. I'll end up converting _you_." 

Pete snorted and shook his head. "We may have never seen a stubborn Luthor before but trust me; the Ross-Kent combo is nearly unbeatable." 

Lex had to ask. "Nearly?" 

"Chloe never falls for our shit." 

Another honk and Pete waved at the window. "Coming! Let's go Clark." Pete stuck out his hand and Lex took it, giving a firm handshake. "I'm still going to change your mind man. I hope you realize that." 

"You're welcome to try." 

Clark grinned and made some comment under his breath about wanting to see that and Pete punched his shoulder. "Don't think you're off the hook Kent. You're my ongoing project." 

"Don't I feel special?" 

Clark waved and promised to talk to him later before he took after Pete and Chloe, hurriedly making his way into the parked car. Lex watched the red lights brighten briefly before the car pulled away from the curb, Gabe waving his hand briefly before leaving. 

Lex didn't know if it was melancholy or just the caffeine crash talking, but he felt the atmosphere change as soon as Clark and the others were gone. Lex took a sip of his now tepid coffee and grimaced, pushing it away. 

He gathered up his papers and stuffed them in the appropriate folders and found himself wishing that he'd offered the others a ride. Or Clark at least. 

Deciding that wanting to play chauffeur to a bunch of teenagers was even more pathetic than finding their conversations entertaining, Lex took care of the bill and headed out the door, shivering slightly as the cold air hit his face. He dug out his keys, turned off the alarm (and it didn't matter that this was Smallville; he didn't want to have to break in _another_ Ferrari) and got in, letting the cool leather interior mold around his body before he put the keys in the ignition. 

He gunned the engine and grinned, feeling distinctly juvenile but figuring that that was the theme of the evening. 

And how pathetic was it that he was contemplating visiting Clark tomorrow at the Farmer's Market? 'Cause it seemed to rank pretty high up there... close second to wanting to finish the conversation with Pete, Chloe and Clark regarding superheroes and their merits. 

Oh well, Lex thought, as he easily maneuvered the car out of its parking space. Considering that he was in Smallville, hardly the entertainment capital of the world, he'd take his enjoyment where he could get it. 

At least until he could convince Clark to engage in an entirely different brand of entertainment. 

<<<<>>>>

Fin 


End file.
